I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
