Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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