She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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