Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Drunk is not a location!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
