dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
This is my gift to your gina
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
