the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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