i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
