Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
