I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
