u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
