So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
