oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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