Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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