you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
