I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
