In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
