I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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