i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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