I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
