i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
