he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
where does the pee come out of this thing
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
