There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
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I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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