we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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