I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
