i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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