dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
