My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
