Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
