Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
