Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
