Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
