plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
