Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
