Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
