I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my being single is dangerous.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
