Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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