waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
