dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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