why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
there was a trapeze. enough said
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
