it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
