i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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