my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
