3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
false alarm. still invincible.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
