I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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