forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
