I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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