I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
