I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He better not be in your backpack
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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