You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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