I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
