ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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