PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.