Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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