I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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