how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
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Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
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I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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