need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.