Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
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ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
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its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.