Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
