...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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