my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My penis needs a shock collar
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
