We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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