everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I want her autograph on my taint
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
