It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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