You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
