I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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