So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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