I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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