dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
