my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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