Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
love makes seman taste better
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
