tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Even my vagina gasped.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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