What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
