dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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